RED ALERT
by Tandy
Summary: Relena had always wondered what it would take to make the seemingly humorless warrior smile. Apparently the only thing she had to do was molest the poor man and flash him for good measure


_Warning: Unbetad; read at your own risk!_

**RED ALERT**

Relena gazed at the man between her spread thighs and gulped audibly. His body completely shielded her own, his hands cradled her head and his breath tickled her lips. He looked so serious and concentrated that she felt the urge to giggle despite the situation. He looked down worriedly at her, his body shifting slightly to get a better look at her face. Relena smiled weakly at him, still trying to control her laughter. He probably thought she was insane or at the very least having a nervous breakdown.

"Are you okay, Ms. Darlian?" he whispered into her ear.

"Call me Relena. I believe our present situation demands that we abandon the formalities, Wufei."

"Very well, Relena," he said, speaking slowly and calmly, "Are you hurt?"

"I'm perfectly fine. Thank you for asking."

She was embarrassed beyond belief and her body was killing her. Wufei had thrown her back making her land hard on her butt, and then launched himself at her, protecting her from a falling ceiling panel. The whole ordeal was a lot less graceful that the movies made you believe. Her sensible knee length skirt was now hiked up so high that it definitely verged into the improper. Her hands were gingerly grasping him at the shoulders, not really holding but neither pushing him away. If she tried to close her legs she'd be anchoring him more firmly to her body, if she spread them further, well that was too humiliating to even contemplate. Relena was absolutely amazed at her mind's ability to be scared out of her wits and still worry about the comprising position she found herself in. Damn her luck, she had only left the safety of her seat to stretch her feet when the stupid spaceship had started quaking.

The ship shook violently again.

Relena forgot her inhibitions and wrapped herself as tightly as she could around Wufei. She buried her face under his chin and her hands found their way underneath his suit jacket and were now clutching his torso as if her life depended on it. She noted he smelled exotic, almost sensual, even as the ship continued to creak and groan around them, rattling and dislodging objects around them. She clung tighter to him, thanking her lucky stars that Wufei Chang, former gundam pilot and current Preventer Officer, was aboard the same commercial ship as she, and that the fates had been kind enough to place them together in the private lounge reserved for diplomats and government agents. Of course, it wasn't like was going to be much help if the ship exploded, or if they were being shot down or if they were spiraling into a black hole…

"I think it has stopped," he stated, rising up on his knees. As Relena was stuck to him like gum, she was dragged up along with him. "Would you mind, Relena?" He said, referring to her vise-like grip on his person.

Relena let go with a high squeal not befitting a woman of thirty, much less to the Foreign Minister, which made her fall back, hitting the floor hard once again. Quickly she scrambled to set her errant skirt to rights. Wufei held out his hand politely but his eyes were brimming with amusement and his lips were pulled tight, as if forcing back a smile. Relena had always wondered what it would take to make the seemingly humorless warrior smile. Apparently the only thing she had to do was molest the poor man and flash him for good measure. She took his hand and came to her feet gracefully, if she did say so herself, until the ship gave another horrible lurch which sent her tumbling into his arms yet again.

"Thank you," she said weakly.

The situation couldn't be that dire. After all, the flashing red lights overhead said to take their seats and buckle up. If they were really in danger, the ship would have to be evacuated. She hoped it wouldn't come to that… drifting in space in tiny crammed pods until a search and rescue team collected them. What if they arrived too late? What if they drifted too far? What if-

"Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats and buckle your seat belts," the slightly frazzled voice in the intercom announced. "We are currently experiencing mechanical problems. Please remain calm, we assure you that- " Without warning the voiced died off.

Relena swallowed back a scream as she followed Wufei to his seat. They hadn't been sitting together at the start of the trip. Relena didn't really know Wufei, and had wanted to give the man some room as he had already been in deep concentration with his laptop when she had boarded the ship, so she had sat several rows away from him. Now however, she rushed to take the seat next to him. She couldn't bare the thought of sitting down all by her lonesome while the ship slowly tore apart.

Okay, okay, she was being melodramatic, the ship probably wasn't going to break apart.

The lights suddenly went out.

Complete darkness.

Relena tried to remember that she had been in far worst situations. Of course, those instances seemed very far away and the present situation so terribly ominous.

"Wufei?" she called out.

"Yes?"

"May I hold your hand?"

The silence stretched for a long time. Relena thought he wasn't going to respond. Finally he said, "I suppose," in a tone of voice that implied she might as well, as she had already held on, quite tightly, to other parts of his anatomy.

Miffed, but even more scared, she reached for his hand in the darkness.

"Ahh, that is not my hand."

Mortified, Relena withdrew her hands and clutched them protectively in her lap. Well, if the ship didn't kill her, then the humiliation she had suffered tonight certainly would. Either way, she was a goner.

She heard Wufei shifting beside her, then felt his hand on her face, later her neck, her shoulder, traveling down until she found her hands. He disentangled them and intertwined their fingers. Unfortunately, or rather fortunately, his arm grazed her chest quite thoroughly. If it had been anyone except Wufei she would have thought they were copping a feel. As it was, the man froze. Relena would have giving anything to see the expression on his stern face.

"Those are not my hands."

"Pardon me," he said staunchly. Relena heard him shifting back to his seat, her hand still securely twined with his. "It's very difficult to maneuver in such darkness. At least my aim was considerably better than yours."

"Tit for tat?" Teasing him took the edge off, momentarily distracting her from her impending doom. He had his fun at her expense twice tonight. It was her turn now.

Wufei suddenly developed a coughing fit.

The emergency lights turned on just in time for Wufei to see the wickedly satisfied smile blooming on Relena's face.

He sent her a glare that would have withered a lesser woman but thankfully did not let go of her hand. She squeezed his hand in gratitude and received another glare for her troubles. She supposed that she had lucked out in the ex-gundam pilot department. Quatre, sweet as he was, would be serving her large amounts of bullshit about how everything would be alright. Trowa would say nothing at all; he might as well not be there. As for Duo, well the hyperactive man would only make Relena more nervous. Heero would be as emotionless as always, providing no help at all.

Wufei provided comfort just by being his usual calm and assured self.

"Thank you, Wufei," Relena said, watching his face in the dim lighting. He was scared too, Relena noticed, his eyes although guarded, displayed a hint of uneasiness. He was tense, his lips drawn in a thin line, ready for battle. But there was no battle to be fought. They could only sit and wait.

He acknowledged her thanks with a small nod.

"What were you doing in Nefica?" Relena asked, trying to distract herself, and hopefully Wufei as well, from the horrid situation they found themselves in.

"Same as you, I would imagine."

Err, yes, dumb question. The colony had recently been making noise about their discontent. The ESUA had not only sent their Foreign Minister but a barrage of preventers, including Wufei, their Lieutenant Commander, to ensure the hard won peace of the last several years.

"Things turned out alright."

"I believe so."

The conversation quickly dried up and the silence stretched on and on. They were still holding hands, and although the panic had passed for Relena, she still held on. The lights had come back, and the ship was no longer rattling around, but they had heard nothing from the intercom and the door to their compartment was still firmly shut. Relena tried to remain optimistic but it was a very hard task when you were stuck in the middle of space and cut off from any source of communication.

"Are you afraid of dying?" Relena stared down at their entwined hands, resting comfortably on his solid thigh. It looked quite nice, Relena thought absently, his caramel toned fingers in between her paler ones. He radiated such strength, it seemed nothing fazed him…

"I don't think the situation is quite that grave. Besides, the worst that can happen is an evacuation, in which case we would have non-perishables and enough oxygen to survive for days."

Well that was encouraging.

"I do not think it will come to that," he continued on, sensing her distress. "The repairs will probably take some time depending on how extensive the problem is."

Everything he said was true, but there was still slight doubt in his words and apprehension in his eyes. "I'm suing this spaceline," said Relena morosely.

"Hn."

"I'm afraid of dying," Relena said without prompting. "I'm afraid of leaving behind the people I love, knowing they will suffer from my absence. I'm afraid I'll never get to do the things I've put off. Later, later, but there might not be any later. I regret not doing so many things out of fear for what people might say."

"Leaving people behind is unavoidable. However, depriving yourself for the benefit of others is not."

"I can't just do as I please. I have an image to uphold."

He raised an eyebrow quizzically. "What do you want to do that would damage your saintly reputation?"

She gave a small laugh at his honest scrutiny; he seemed to be genuinely curious. "Silly things. Things that normal people had but you and I never experienced."

"What do you mean?"

"I was queen of the world at fifteen," she said wryly. "My political career from then on took precedence over everything else. I never experience being a teenager. Even know my life is radically different from other people. Your life followed a similar path, soldier to officer, all at a too young age. I'm not bitter or resentful, I know the importance of our work. It's just that sometimes I can't help feel as if I missed out on life. And, as you so aptly put it, my 'saintly reputation' has me at a chokehold."

"I must ask what do you think you've missed out on? Why do you feel as if you're trapped by your own image? The image, may I remind you, that you cultivated."

Relena sighed, then she leaned in closer, as if to confess a deep dark secret. "I want to get drunk."

Wufei laughed. Really laughed, a loud and pleasant sound, that had Relena's toes tingling. His eyes were crinkled at the corners, his mouth twitching, again at her expense. Relena decided to forgive him, since he looked so damn good laughing at her. "That's it? You want to get drunk?"

Affronted, Relena scowled. "Hey, I've never been drunk. I would be plastered all over the newspaper if I ever indulged. Not that I've had many opportunities. Only champagne and wine at parties populated with people much older than I. I've never been to a bar, or a nightclub."

"Why ever not?"

"Because I'm Relena Darlian. Everyone thinks I'm above such things."

"You are not?"

"Of course not. I'm human too. I have needs and desires. As a teen I wished to go to high school, go to prom, date, get detention for ditching class, make out in the back seat of a car..."

"You went to college. Surely you experienced some of the things you have described."

"Yeah, I went to college. An ultra-private university for women."

He smothered a laugh. "Now what do you wish for? Aside from getting inebriated, that is?"

Relena, still holding onto his hand, closed her eyes and rested comfortably against the first-class seats. There was no harm in telling him, he seemed interested and non-judgmental, besides it would help them pass the time. Hopefully, the ship would be fixed soon. "I want to go skinny dipping. I want to have a one-night stand. I want tell people I dislike to fuck off. I want to go bungee jumping. I want to wear sexy and provocative clothing, no more beige and pink and brown or ridiculous pastels. I want to go to a club and dance and dance, and get home at an ungodly hour. I want to ride a motorcycle. I want to get something pierced or a tattoo. I want to-"

"Relena, nothing you have said is impossible or even very hard to accomplish."

"Maybe for you," Relena retorted.

"You have already done one of them and have not even realized it."

"What?

"I believe fire-red underwear falls under the provocative clothing category."

Relena felt herself flushing from head to toe. My goodness! "Took a good look, did you?"

Now it was his turn to flush. "I'm not blind," he said, as if that justified it.

"You did not answer my question from before," Relena started, wanting them to move on from the uncomfortable subject they had found themselves on. "Are you afraid of dying?"

Again, it took him so long to speak that she thought he would not answer her at all. "A few years ago I would have said no." Deep in thought he did not realize his thumb was forming circles on her palm.

"And now?"

"I never thought I would make it out of the war alive. Although hopeful for peace, I never really believe it would last this long. I find myself… content. I do not want my life cut short."

With that, he let go of her hand, unbuckled his seatbelt and stood up.

"What are you doing? We should remain sitting. What if the ship starts shaking again?"

"I will only be a moment."

She couldn't really see him in the dim light, but she heard him shuffling around with something. He came back a few minutes later, holding on to shiny miniature bottles. "Um, this is not a good time, Wufei."

He took his seat, pulled down the tray and unloaded his bounty. He had raided the mini-bar and now about ten perfect little bottles of hard liquor littered the serving tray. "Were you not just bemoaning the fact that you keep putting off these sorts of things, thinking you will have time later? What better time than now?"

He had a point.

* * *

Only a bottle later and Relena was already starting to feel the effects. But she knew she was nowhere near drunk. "Do you have anything that you have wanted to do but never have?" She felt somewhat light-headed and giggly for no apparent reason.

"Unlike you, I have not denied myself."

"Unlike me, you have the freedom to do as you wish."

"I do not see anyone restricting you from having a bit of fun."

Perhaps she was more than a little tipsy because the words 'having a bit of fun' coming from Wufei, someone she had always considered as an uptight snob sounded terribly humorous to her. She laughed until her sides hurt, laughing even harder at Wufei's austere gaze. He seemed as serious as always, not someone who had been imbibing. Then her slow brain realized that there was only a bottle opened, the one she had drunk. "Hey, why aren't you drinking?"

"It was your desire to get drunk not mine." He opened another bottle and handed it to her. "Besides, drinking alcoholic beverages kills brain cells."

"Yeah, you probably don't have many of those to spare," she quipped, taking a dainty sip out of the bottle.

A barely detectable tick appeared on his right eye. "You have reached your goal, it seems."

"Not yet, I'm like this all the time."

"Hmm. Yes, you're right. That tit for tat comment was rather inspired."

"Fair is fair," she shook the last drop of liquor from the bottle. "You saw my panties. Fairness dictates that you show me yours."

"I do not wear panties."

"Boxers or briefs?"

"Are those the only choices?"

Relena's eyes glazed over, even more that they had already been, and her drunken gaze automatically zeroed in on his lap. Uptight Wufei went commando? No way. "Give me a peek."

"No."

Relena pouted but forgot all about it when she took another bottle and greedily drank from it. At first they had tasted vile, leaving a burning stream down her throat, and making her cough uncontrollably. Now they went down much more smoothly, making her feel warm and cozy and happy. She had to do this more often. "I'm ready now."

"For what?"

"For you to take advantage of me."

"Pardon me?"

"It's the reason you've gotten me drunk, no?"

"You got yourself drunk, not I," he said, obviously amused. "I do not need alcohol for women to-"

"I wouldn't mind." He was smiling softly, a sight she had never witnessed before. Her heart was fluttering wildly but she wasn't sure if it was him or the three little bottles she had drank. Either way, she felt great. She shimmied close to him and tried to smile sexily at him. Apparently, her strategy wasn't effective, because his smile turned into a grin. "I really_ really_ wouldn't mind. This way we could cross off another thing from my list. A one night stand. I've always wanted to have one of those."

"Perhaps another time," Wufei said tactfully.

Relena settled back into her seat in a huff. "Fine. But do not think I will forget this insult."

Wufei laughed and Relena could only stare at his face as he did so, not even angry that yet again he was laughing at her. He looked lovely, and perfect, and his oh so kissable lips were pulled back, showing his pearly whites. His exotic eyes, normally guarded, were shining with amusement. "I'm glad we got to know each other a little better before we died."

"We're not going to die," his face was serious again.

"We all die," said Relena, regretting that she had taken the smile away from his face. "If it weren't for this we never would have gotten the chance to talk. We could have gone all our lives without having a moment like this one. I would never have heard your laughter, or seen amusement on your face, or felt your strong body or smelled your wonderful scent. You would have never seen my red panties." She shook her hair in despair at the thought.

"That would have been a shame," he said seriously, but his eyes were full of mirth, then he gave up the pretense and let a chuckle escape him.

"I like it when you laugh," Relena said, touching his smiling lips. "Even if it is at me."

She saw his Adam's apple bobbing and kissed it simply because she felt like doing so. She let her head fall on his shoulder, Wufei a marble statue beneath her, unmoving. Relena liked being drunk. She found herself doing things she never would have sober. It wasn't courage so much of a disregard for the consequences of her actions. It was nice not to agonize about every decision and worry about how it would look. Now she was only enjoying the moment with Wufei. Nevermind that their lives were probably hanging by a thread as that only served to dampened her spirits, so she choose to ignore that particular of her evening with Wufei.

"Pertaining to your question earlier, I have been putting off doing something."

"Me?" she asked in a hope filled voice.

Another laugh, this one she could feel rumbling deep in his chest. "You don't give up easily, do you?"

"I'm very tenacious." She looked up, all innocence and sweetness. "This could be our very last day alive. Don't you think we should enjoy our last moments together? What better way to- "

"That, Relena, is the oldest trick in the book. Now, do you want to hear my answer or not?"

Relena nodded against his chest.

"I have never taken a vacation."

"Never?"

"No. There is always something to be done. An uprising, a violent protest, death threats… always an impending crisis. And when an opportunity actually arises, I am fearful that with so much time on my hands I would do nothing but dwell on things I would rather forget. But sometimes, usually after a long stressful day, I can picture myself sleeping late the next day, doing nothing but reading and pretty much lazing all day, leaving all the problems of the world behind."

Relena nodded solemnly. "I understand," she said quietly.

"I enjoy what I do, take pride in my purpose but-"

"You wish you would enjoy yourself more."

"Yes."

"This is what we'll do," she said, holding him closer, a hand on his chest, her mouth almost nuzzling his neck. "We'll both take a vacation together. Agreed?"

She was already deep asleep when he responded.

* * *

It took four hours to have the ship fixed, two hours to get to Earth, and about a second after landing for Wufei to disembark, or so the flight attendant had told her, as Relena had slept through the whole ordeal. She had woken up with a throbbing headache, a dry mouth, and acute embarrassment. Sadly, she wasn't one of those drunks who forgot everything the next day. She remembered everything in vivid detail. Five days later and she still couldn't get pass her humiliation.

Even now, as she drove home from work, she could feel her face heating up. At the time it had made perfect sense to indulge in long held wish, of course, she'd been scared out of her wits, and thinking she might die. Three little bottles and her brain had effectively shut down. She shuddered just thinking of the things she had said and done. Part of her was also irritated at Wufei for finding the whole situation amusing. She could still see his soft smiles and hear his deep laugh; and that made her shudder all over again but for totally different reasons.

On a red light, she let her head fall against the wheel. It was the first time she had ever _really_ talked to Wufei. He was not what she had been expecting. Stern, yes, serious, yes, definitively private, but surprisingly pleasant. He had listened attentively when she had spoken, and even shared his own thoughts with her. If it had ended at that, Relena would probably already have called him to arrange a date. Or he might have already called _her_. But no, she just had to get stinking drunk. And he hadn't called, and probably never would.

The violent honking behind her had her head snapping back up, momentarily distracting her from the depressing thought of never talking to Wufei again. The light had turned green for who knew how long and there was a long line of irate drivers behind her. She sent them an apologetic wave and drove off as fast as she could. Relena wondered where he lived. On Earth for sure, she knew, but what country? Preventers had agencies all around the globe. Could it be possible he was stationed right here, at Cinq? Occasionally she had ran into him at political events and even at her office, but not with any regularity that would suggest he lived in Cinq.

It was moot anyway, she thought morosely, it didn't matter where he lived as nothing was going to come out of it. She watched a motorcycle zoom by, and she gazed enviously after it. The driver, wearing blue jeans, a black leather jacket and a jet black helmet, looked completely unperturbed. Maybe she could get Heero or her brother to help her out with this motorcycle fetish that she had. Relena snorted in a very unladylike manner that many people would be surprised to hear coming from her. Milliardo would throw a hissy fit at the mere mention of Relena on a motorcycle. Heero would look at her as if she had gone insane, like that time she had suggested bungee jumping at that theme park.

And why had she not bungee jumped that one time? Because Heero had given her that withering look of his? Wufei had been right, she shouldn't deprive herself of the things she wanted simply because some might not look favorably upon them. It was decided, she promised herself as she turned on her street, she was going bungee jumping and getting something pierced _and_ tattooed, and shopping for new clothes-

There was a biker pulling into her driveway.

Relena knew of nobody who had a motorcycle. In fact, it was the same motorcyclist that had zoomed passed her just a few minutes before. She was about to pass by and call the police when a sense of familiarity from his posture made her freeze. It was the rigid way he held himself, almost regal in manner, which she recognized first. He flipped his helmet up, and beautiful slanted eyes appeared. Those dark eyes watched her as she parked next him. Relena stepped out of her car, not believing that Chang Wufei was on her driveway and on a motorcycle no less, looking like the stuff from every girl's dreams.

"Brought you something," he said gruffly. He twisted back to reach one of the bike's compartment, from it he pulled something red which he handed to Relena.

It was a sexy, red leather jacket. Smiling wildly, and only a bit nervous about Wufei's intense scrutiny, she took off her boring grey blazer and donned the supple leather jacket instead. She knew she probably looked ridiculous wearing her grey slacks with the jacket, but at the moment she really could care less. It was tight and snug in all the right places, and she felt incredibly sexy wearing it. Next, Wufei handed her a helmet, same as his, except the same fire red color of her jacket.

She stared questioningly at Wufei, a full smile still on her lips. Wufei smirked, flipped his helmet back down, leaned forward to grab the handles of the bike and motioned with his head for her to get on. In less than five seconds, she had the helmet on and was plastered behind him. She could feel the vibrations from his laugher in her chest, in her tummy, even on the tips of her pinky toes. Only the solid strength of his back, the width of his shoulders, his unmistakable scent convinced her she wasn't dreaming. This was actually happening.

Wufei peeled out of her driveway, causing her to shriek, and then laugh raucously. It was exhilarating, the thrill of it had her euphoric. Never had she felt so completely carefree and just plain happy. And she thought gleefully, this was just the beginning.

* * *

I hope you guys enjoyed! Please leave your opinion, be it good or bad. Thank you.


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